


Painful clefts

by Narry_dreamer



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Denial of Feelings, Doctor Liam, Doctor Niall, Hurt Niall, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Nurse Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-07-27 12:25:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7618051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narry_dreamer/pseuds/Narry_dreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Jason! Jason, you forgot your wallet!" Harry shouted as he crossed the road, not even bothering to look both ways in his hurry to get to Jason in time. Suddenly he felt himself being pushed aside, seconds before he heard a dull thud an screeching tires. He quickly scrambled to his feet, trying to piece together what was going on.</p><p> </p><p>Harry doesn't have feelings for Niall, he really doesn't. When Niall saves his life and suffers life-threatening injuries in the process, Harry just feels like he owes Niall, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I've never done anything like this before and I'm not entirely sure about this, but I figured I'd just post it.  
> I'd really appreciate to know what you think - good or bad - so please let me know what you think if it's not too much to ask.

Harry hurried into the locker room, trying to wriggle out of his coat. He wasn't that late, but he just liked to be on time. He jumped when he bumped into someone. "Sorry, I-"

 

"Hey love, aren't you a bit early? Like, a day? I thought you had a day off today?" Harry turned around to face the person he'd just bumped into. "Jason? Sorry, I didn't see you there."

 

"No, I noticed," Jason smirked, leaning forward to gently kiss Harry. Harry leaned into the kiss for a few seconds, before moving away to pick up the things that had fallen out of his bag where he’d dropped it.

 

"As much as I'd like to continue this, I have to get ready for my shift. Janet called this morning," Harry explained while he stuffed everything back into his bag. When he was done he finally got around to taking off his coat. "Said she wasn't feeling very well and asked if I could cover for her. And of course I said yes, I mean, I'm an absolute angel."

 

Jason just laughed at that and threw Harry's coat on the coat rack, grabbing his own and slipping it on. "I'm on call today, figured I'd go home and get some sleep. Also, I really need to clean out my office."

 

Harry snickered. "That's your office? I thought it was a walk-in-closet! A very messy one, at that."

 

Jason feigned to be hurt. "Ha ha, very funny. It's not I like I mean to always make a mess out of everything!" He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms. "But you're right, and that's why I'm going to clean it out today."

 

Harry had changed into his scrubs and walked over to Jason. "Too bad I have to work, I could have helped you."

 

Jason pulled him close, running his fingers through Harry's hair. "Help me? Well, I don’t think we’d get a lot done, if I’m honest," he said, pressing his lips to Harry's again. Harry closed his eyes, and when he opened them, Jason was smiling slightly.

 

They both leaned in for another kiss, but they were stopped by the sound of a locker slamming shut. "Good morning! I figured I'd let you know you were not alone anymore," the other occupant of the room declared in a loud and cheery voice.

 

"Good morning to you too, Niall," Harry said, feeling his cheeks flush. Of course, out of everyone in this hospital, Niall had to be the one person to enter the room. He tried not to stare when Niall took off his scrubs and slipped into his jeans.

 

He didn't exactly know when knobby Niall had changed into this Niall, but he really liked this Niall. Maybe a little too much, considering he had a boyfriend and all, but just looking at him wouldn't hurt, right?

 

He looked away and cleared his throat. "Well, good luck clearing away that mess, Jase. And enjoy your day off, Niall. I should get to work." After a chaste last kiss, he hurried out of the locker room, narrowly avoiding tripping over his own feet in his rush to leave.

 

He practically fled to the toilets, cheeks flushed in - in what? Embarrassment? Guilt over the attraction he felt towards Niall? He was just tired and confused, it was probably nothing. It didn't mean anything. He finished his business and turned away from the urinal to see Jason leaning against the wall. "That's a bit creepy, don't you think?" Harry quipped, trying to hide his feelings of doubt.

 

"You know me, always the creepy one," Jason said, pushing away from the wall. "I just wanted a proper goodbye, that's all."

 

Harry kissed Jason back, a little distracted. Jason pulled back when he sensed Harry's wavering. "Are you still embarrassed about before? I mean, it was a little awkward, sure, but it wasn't that bad, right?"

 

"No, I know. It's just - I'm just a little tired," Harry shrugged. He pulled a rubber band out of his pocket and tied his hair into a bun. "I could probably sleep for twenty-four hours straight."

 

"Maybe you shouldn't have taken on the extra shift, love. You won't really be of any use when you're this tired." Jason said, worry evident in his voice. He gently rubbed Harry's arm. "You know what, if they don't call me in, I'll have dinner ready when you get home. Then we can get an early night."  
  
Harry breathed a sigh of delight at the prospect of a quiet night at home. “That would be absolutely perfect, love,” he said, following Justin back to the locker room. He was relieved when he saw that Niall was no longer there.

 

 Jason grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “Okay, I’ll see you at home. I’ll probably also do some laundry or something, alright?”

 

“Of course that’s alright with me, you know the only domestic chores I enjoy are cooking, cleaning and tidying. Thank you, so much. Not just for this, for being amazing.”  

 

“Sap,” Jason said, sounding very fond. He gave Harry one last kiss and left the locker room.

 

***

 

"Jason! Jason, you forgot your wallet!" Harry shouted as he crossed the road, not even bothering to look both ways in his hurry to get to Jason in time. Suddenly he felt himself being pushed aside, seconds before he heard a dull thud an screeching tires. He quickly scrambled to his feet, trying to piece together what was going on.

 

He gasped when he realized what had happened. Niall had pushed him out of the way of a speeding car, and had been hit by that same car. The  car had slammed into his left side, sending him flying over the roof of the car.

 

Harry stood there, frozen, watching Niall’s body hit the ground with a sickening smack and rolling to a stop as the car raced off from the scene of the accident.

 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry had really tried not to worry too much, but it was proving to be really hard. He couldn’t help but think of how pale Niall had been, how still he’d been, how his left leg had been bent at an unnatural angle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!
> 
> I’ve loved every minute of writing this chapter! I hope you like it!

A&E was some kind of inferno that morning. There had been a shooting in which two people had been injured, and the members of two families were arguing about whose fault the shooting had been. There was a guy with big shards of glass sticking out of his arm, a flustered lady was sat with an hysterically crying toddler in her lap and there was someone who had almost cut off his finger cutting open a bagel.

 

Harry saw all this as he followed the stretcher Niall was on, but all he could think about was the fact that he would have been the one laying on that stretcher if it wasn't for Niall. Niall, who'd selflessly pushed him out of the way of a speeding car.

 

Now Niall was lying on a stretcher, unconscious, his breathing labored, and who knows what kind of injuries he had. And it was all Harry’s fault. He jumped when Jason laid his hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay? Sorry I didn’t ask sooner, I couldn’t leave Niall.”

 

Harry shook himself out of his stupor. “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks to Niall, he pushed me out of the way.”  
Jason squeezed Harry's shoulder. “I’ll take care of him, I promise,” he said, before following Niall’s stretcher.

 

Harry just stood there, not entirely sure what to do, until a colleague approached him. She guided him to the staff room and handed him a glass of water. “I heard what happened, are you okay?”

 

“Thanks Amy. I’m good, just a little shaken,” he said, taking a sip of water. “I hope he’ll be okay, but it didn’t look good.”

 

“I know, but he’s in good hands. Jason is one of the best doctors in this department,” she said, reassuringly. “Do you think you’ll be able to work? If not, I’ll get someone else to cover for you, don’t worry about that.”  


Harry hesitated. “I’m not really sure, don’t know if I’ll be able to focus,” he said eventually. “That’s okay, I’ll take care of it. Don’t worry too much, okay?” Amy said, before rushing out of the room.

 

***

 

Harry had really tried not to worry too much, but it was proving to be really hard. He couldn’t help but think of how pale Niall had been, how still he’d been, how his left leg had been bent at an unnatural angle.

 

He’d been pacing in the waiting room for what felt like forever. He’d just sat down when Jason sat down next to him. “He needs surgery.”  
Harry looked up at him. “Will he be okay?” he asked, not bothering to hide his worry.  


Jason remained silent for a while. “We’re optimistic,” he said, cautiously. “He suffered some extensive injuries, but none of them are immediately life-threatening. He’s stable at the moment. He’s got a ruptured spleen, broken ribs, a punctured lung and comminuted fractures of the left tibia, fibula and femur.”  


“But he loves football,” Harry blurted out. His brain was working overtime to realize the impact these injuries were going to have on Niall’s life.

 

“I know,” Jason quietly said. “But Haz, he’s lucky to be alive. And he’s going to have the best orthopedic surgeon of the whole damn hospital operating on his leg.”

 

Harry shakily exhaled and got up. “I want to see him,” he said, determined.

 

Jason didn’t answer, he probably knew Harry wouldn’t take no for an answer. He simply led Harry out of the waiting room. Suddenly, Harry stopped. “What about his parents? Do they know yet?”

 

“They’ve been notified of the accident, his mum’s already on her way.” That satisfied Harry, and he didn’t say anything else on their way to the room Niall was in.

 

Jason opened the door, and Harry stood stock-still in the doorway. Niall 's battered body was barely 3 meters away from him. His eyes were closed, but Harry couldn't tell if he was still unconscious. His left leg was immobilized in a traction splint, and Harry cringed at the sight of it.

 

Ambient light spilled from a covered bulb fixed to the wall above Niall’s bed. An oxygen mask obscured his face, and his bruised chest barely moved. But his breath was fogging up the oxygen mask, and that was all that mattered.

 

When Harry entered the room, Niall slightly shifted in the bed and licked his lips. He groaned and his eyes opened with some difficulty.

 

“Hey,” he said when he saw Harry, a weak smile breaking through.

  
“Hey,” Harry said, his voice wavering. “How are you feeling?”

  
"Uhm, like I got hit by a truck," Niall said, blinking slowly. He winced and weakly lifted his hand to rub his eyes.

 

Harry smirked. "That sounds about right. Can you tell me your name?"

 

"Really?!" Niall asked, a little incredulously. Harry lowered the railing of the bed and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, crossing his arms. "Just indulge me."

 

Niall rolled his eyes, wincing again. "My name’s Niall Horan," he said.

  
"Good. Do you know where you are?"

 

"Hospital," Niall said, carefully trying to sit up. He screwed up his face in pain, but he still tried to sit up. Harry gently held him back and grabbed his hand. 

 

"You shouldn't move, not unless you want your left lung pierced by a floating piece of your ribs,” Jason said, walking over to the bed with a syringe in his hand.

 

"Is it that bad?" Niall asked, a little taken aback.

 

Jason described his injuries to him, and Niall, being a doctor himself, knew full well how bad it was. “But I think you 'll still be able to play the guitar," Jason ended his explanation.

 

Niall grinned, but his grin soon turned into a grimace. He was in pain. "I have to call my ma," he whispered.

 

"She's on her way, she was listed as your emergency contact. She'll be here any moment," Jason said, emptying the syringe he was still holding in Niall’s IV port. 

 

"Niall, is there anyone else you want us to call for you?" Harry asked, taking Niall’s hand. It was something he felt he should ask. He wondered if Niall understood what he meant. Harry didn't want to know if Niall had a pet and wanted him to call his neighbors to ask them to take care of it. He wanted to know if there was _someone_ else. 

 

Niall opened one eye, and Harry felt his hand move. "No," Niall said, and his thumb touched Harry's. He slipped away again. Harry was falling. He didn't let go of Niall's hand.

 

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall didn’t say anything else, he just waved his hand in Harry's direction. Harry resisted the urge to grasp it, hold to his lips and kiss it. Kiss it. What on earth was he thinking about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I edited this today so I could have it out now, but the next chapter isn't completely finished yet, so I don't know when I'll update again.  
> Hope you like it!

Maura Horan arrived shortly after Jason had left the room to scrub in for surgery. She was impeccably dressed, with a coat that swayed behind her as she dashed through the corridor on the way to Niall's room. Harry heard her footsteps first, click clacking on the shiny floor, and poked his head around the door of Niall's room.

Harry saw her coming towards him, and he knew the woman who was approaching him was Niall's mother, he could see his features in her kind face. Her eyes were slightly puffy, like she’d been crying, but at the moment she seemed very composed.

"You must be Harry," she said, embracing him. Before Harry could answer her, she walked past him into the room. She only had eyes for her son. "Hey Niall, I’m here," she said, and then she was at his side in an instant, stroking the hand that Harry had held before.

Niall opened his eyes and smiled as best he could. "But it's Thursday. Now you’re going to miss your brunch with the ladies."

"That doesn’t matter, we don’t really do much anyway. We actually mostly just share the latest gossip."

"I think this is the worst I’ve ever been injured, up to now," Niall said, out of nowhere.

"You'll get back on your feet," she said, stroking his thumb, but her smile waned a little.

"I can barely keep my eyes open. They've given me something ..." Niall didn’t finish his sentence, his eyes slipped closed again. The drugs they’d given him for the surgery began to work.

At that moment, two nurses in blue surgical gowns entered the room, pushing a bed. “Who’s excited for a ride?" one of them cheerfully asked. She pushed the bed into the room, next to Niall's bed.

It wouldn’t be easy to get Niall transferred to the bed, dazed as he was and with his injuries.  
And he was only wearing a pale blue hospital gown. Harry walked out of the room into the corridor, while the nurses and his mother helped Niall get on the bed.

Moments later, Maura also came out of the room, and the bed with Niall on it appeared in the doorway. One of the nurses carefully pushed it through and began to turn it so that it could be pushed down the hallway.

Niall weakly raised his arm. "Hold on," he mumbled. The nurse stopped.

“Harry?”

“Yes, Niall?”

“Are you alright?” Niall asked, and Harry choked up at that. “I am, thank you,” he said, his voice trembling slightly.

Niall didn’t say anything else, he just waved his hand in Harry's direction. Harry resisted the urge to grasp it, hold to his lips and kiss it. Kiss it. What on earth was he thinking about?

The nurse completed the turn and pushed the bed through the corridor. Maura turned to Harry, put her hand on his shoulder, and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Harry wanted to ask her if she needed a place to spend the night, or if she wanted him to stay with her while Niall was having surgery, but his mouth refused to cooperate.

He just nodded, and she dashed off with her coat flapping behind her like a sail on a slender boat.

Harry stood there, watching them until the bed disappeared in the elevator. 

He didn’t know what to do. Should he stay? Maybe he better leave. After all, it was his fault that Niall was injured anyway. And maybe Maura was perfectly capable to arrange everything. She looked like a calm and confident person. But maybe that was just the outside. Maybe she did need someone to stay with her.

But who was he trying to fool? This was not about staying for Maura. The point was that he wanted to be where Niall was. This was insane. On the other hand, it was his fault Niall was hurt. He decided he would stay, if only so he could hear what Niall’s surgeon had to say.

***

Harry had been in the surgical waiting room for far too long, and with little to occupy himself except worrying and pacing, he did just that. He kept his hands busy, re-stacking magazines, scrolling through his phone list and texting Gemma and Liam.  
Hours passed. He was standing at the picture window and stared out at the dingy grey buildings he could see framing the downtown London street. The sky had turned turbid, like a filter had been placed over the sun, emitting the light down through wax paper. There was something too still about the view.  
As though the world was suffocating.  
"Harry?” He flinched, startled, at the sound of his name. Turning around, he saw Maura, holding two styrofoam cups.  
She handed Harry one of them, taking a sip of the other one. “You’ve been here for hours, I figured you could use something to drink,” she said, gently guiding Harry to a chair. “Come on, you should take a seat.”

Harry obeyed, sinking into the chair with a sigh. “You know, Niall didn’t save your life so you could feel guilty, or sulk about his injuries,” she said, heaving a long-suffering sigh. “He wouldn’t want you to worry. He’s a strong one, my Niall.”

“He is. He’s a great guy,” Harry said, weakly smiling. Maura got a soft look in her eyes, no doubt thinking about exactly how great of a guy Niall had been growing up. 

“Thanks for the tea, Mrs. Horan,” he said, taking the last swig of his tea before getting up to throw both their empty cups into the trashcan. 

Maura smiled at him when he sat back down, and even though she looked a little tired, Harry could see where Niall got his dazzling smile. “Of course, love. Oh, and you can call me Maura, if you’d like.”

“Thanks, Maura,” Harry said, getting up again abruptly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need the toilet,” Harry said, walking out of the waiting room without waiting for an answer.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I finally got around to finishing this chapter. My internship's been pretty busy, but I've tried finish this next chapter as soon as possible. I hope you like it!
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome...

Harry sighed and looked into the mirror, seeing red-rimmed eyes staring at him from a too-pale face. He looked like shit, he thought, thoroughly washing his hands before cupping some water in his hands to splash on his face.  
  
He appreciated Maura’s kindness, he really did, but he’d just needed to be alone for a while. It hadn’t really helped any, but still. He looked in the mirror one last time before turning to leave the washroom.  
  
When he returned to waiting room, he saw Maura had been joined by a man, probably Niall’s father. When the man turned his head, he was sure it was Niall’s dad. He recognized him from the pictures Niall had shown him from a trip home he’d recently made. Harry didn’t want to intrude, but before he could turn to leave the waiting room, Maura noticed him. She nudged her husband and pointed at Harry. “That’s Harry,” Harry could hear her whisper.  
  
Bobby got up and shook Harry’s hand. “So you’re the infamous Harry. I’m Bobby, Niall’s dad,” he said. Harry wondered what he’d done to be called infamous and opened his mouth to ask Bobby, but when he saw a tired-looking nurse in scrubs enter the waiting room, he decided it could wait.  
  
“Family of Niall Horan?” the nurse asked. Maura immediately got up and went to stand next to her husband. “We’re his parents,” Bobby said, putting an arm around his wife and pulling her close to him.  
  
“The surgery was successful. He’s being transferred to the Intermediate Care Unit at the moment so he can be closely monitored. Someone will be with you shortly to take you to see him, after the surgeon has spoken to you.”  
  
“Thank you,” Bobby said, rubbing Maura’s arm. She visibly shook herself and also thanked the nurse before hugging her husband.  
  
Harry stood there, a little forlorn. Maura noticed and let go of her husband to pull him into a hug. “I told you my Nialler was strong, didn’t I?”  
  
Harry nodded, sagging a little. Now that the agonizing wait for news was over, he suddenly felt the full weight of his mental and physical exhaustion. When he saw Jason enter the waiting room, still dressed in his scrubs, he forced himself to focus.  
  
Jason introduced himself to Niall’s dad, before placing a hand on Maura's shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “He did well. He gave us a bit of a scare, but we were able to stabilize him and repair the damage. I had to perform a partial splenectomy, which means I removed part of his spleen. We were able to stop the internal bleeding. We also inserted a small bore needle between the second and third ribs into the air that had filled in between the lung and chest cavity to remove the air from the chest space, and we were able to reinflate the lung. This means we didn’t have to insert a chest tube, which in turn means he’ll be mobile rather quickly.”  
  
“Thank you, thank you so much!” Maura said, shaking Jasons hand enthusiastically. “What about his leg?” Bobby asked, a little guardedly.  
  
“I can’t tell you exactly, because I didn’t perform the surgery on his leg, but the orthopedic surgeon was cautiously optimistic. He was studying Niall’s X-rays, but I think he won’t be long.”  
  
As if on cue, a graying man with wrinkled skin who Harry recognized as Dr. Matthews entered the waiting room. Something Harry once read came to his mind: “The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old.”  
  
Dr. Matthews introduced himself to Niall’s parents and nodded at Harry. “I take it you’re  Harry Styles?”  
  
“I am,” Harry nodded. He waited for the inevitable question that mostly followed, and he wasn’t disappointed.  
  
“Are you the son of-“ Dr Matthews began, but he was cut off by Harry. “Yes, I am.”  
  
Dr. Matthews looked a little offended, but he seemed to get the hint. “Well, I was able to perfectly realign the bones before inserting an intramedullary rod down both the femur and the tibia.”  
  
Maura looked like she wanted to say something, but Dr. Matthews held up a finger signaling for her to wait as he flipped through a folder.  
  
He pulled out X-rays of Niall’s upper and lower leg. “We put a metal rod inside the length of the tibia bone, and also down the femur,” he said pointing at the X-rays. “Intramedullary rods help the bone heal a lot quicker by keeping it in position. They also partially carry the strain the bone normally endures.”  
  
Dr. Matthews handed the X-rays to Bobby and closed the folder. “Because the ankle, knee and hip joints are not restricted by a cast, it means partial weight can be applied and then increased when the bone and leg have sufficiently healed. This reduces the recovery time significantly.”  
  
“How l-“ Bobby started, but Dr. Matthews held up a finger again, and really, what was with the fingers? Harry wasn’t usually a very violent person, but if the man kept doing that, he might be tempted to change his ways.  
  
“Niall is looking at a recovery time of about six to eight months, but he will probably make a full recovery,” Dr. Matthews said. “Do you have any questions?”  
  
Niall’s parents didn’t say anything, probably too stunned to even formulate any questions whirling around in their heads.  
  
Jason noticed. “It’s a lot to take in, but if you think of anything you want to know, don’t hesitate to ask. We’re here to help.”  
  
Harry barely held back a smirk. Dr. Matthews didn’t really seem like the type of person who’d be happy to help. He might be the best orthopedic surgeon in this hospital, but he could certainly use some training for his bedside manner.  
  
“I’ll take you to his room,” Jason said, turning to leave the waiting room.  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter, enjoy!

"Aren’t you coming?" Maura said when she realized Harry wasn’t following them. "You want to know how he’s doing, don’t you? I mean, you’re just as worried as us, if not more worried, so come on."  
  
"I don’t want to intrude," Harry hesitated.    
  
"You’re not intruding, love. Plus, I asked you to come, didn’t I? Just come with us, we’d appreciate it." Niall had once told him his mom was very good at persuading people, and Harry got why he’d said it. It was like a sense of duty compelled Harry into following them.  
  
The moment he set foot into the room Niall was in, his hair stood on end and his stomach began to flip. He could hear Maura gasping for breath, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Niall.  
  
There was a low glow from the light falling into the room from the hallway, along with the soft light on the wall behind the head of the bed.   
  
There were dark circles under Niall’s eyes, augmented even more harshly by the unnatural pallor of his skin, but he looked relaxed and peaceful. His face was still hidden by an oxygen mask and his body was covered by a light sheet.  
  
He sported a blood pressure cuff that was taking readings every fifteen minutes and no less than three I.V. lines which were dispensing both fluids and a cocktail of pain medications plus anti-inflammatories. His oxygen levels were constantly being watched, and under the sheet, a tangle of electrode wires attached to his chest lead to a heart monitor that was beeping a little rapidly, but steadily.  
  
They all stood there silently for a while, just watching Niall. After a few minutes, Bobby sat down in a chair and Niall’s mother walked over to the bed. She gently pressed a kiss on her sons forehead. She sat down in the chair next to his bed and grabbed his hand. "He’s going to be okay, isn’t he?" she whispered, tearing her eyes away from her son to look at Jason.  
  
"I can’t promise anything, but I can say he’s doing extremely well," Jason said, checking the monitors. "I’ll leave you alone for now, I’ll be back in a while to check on him."  
  
Just after Jason had left, Niall groaned. "You're okay." Still whispering, Maura got to her feet just as Niall began to move. She leaned over the rail to the bed.  
  
"Welcome back! How are you feeling? Are you in pain?" Niall’s mom asked, leaning over him to stroke his cheek.   
  
"No. No pain whatsoever," Niall said, his voice hoarse. "I feel great! Is da still here?"  
  
"I'm right here, son," Bobby said. He got up from his chair and walked over to Niall’s bed.  
  
"Hi da. I can hear you, but I can't see you," Niall slurred.  
  
"That's because your eyes are closed," Bobby said, laughing at him.   
  
"Why are they closed?" Niall asked, still not bothering to open them. Harry laughed, people coming out of anesthesia never stopped being funny.  
  
"Because you haven't tried opening them yet," Maura said. She gently pushed his damp hair back from his forehead and let her fingers trail. "How's your leg feel?"  
  
"It feels okay! That was very fast," Niall said, smiling and leaning into his mothers’ touch.  
  
"Well, for you it was," Bobby snorted, and Harry had to agree with him. "They operated on you for quite some time, son. You gave us a bit of a scare."  
  
Niall didn’t say anything for a while, taking everything in. "I'm tired,” he suddenly said. "Who am I talking to?"  
  
"Your ma and da. Jason just left, but Harry’s here too," Maura patiently said, her fingers still running through his hair.  
  
"Ooh. I want to see you, but I can't open my eyes," Niall said, sounding a little annoyed. Harry couldn’t help but wonder if Niall meant he wanted to see Harry, too.  
  
"You can, just try," Bobby said, lowering the rail on the bed and sitting down on the edge of the bed.  
  
"I can't do it," he said, while his eyes fluttered open. "I just can't." It took a while for him to register that his eyes were in fact open. "Hey, I can see you! There’s two of you! Where’s Ma? And Harry?"  
  
"I’m right here, and Harry’s over there," Maura said, pointing at Harry. Niall’s eyes slowly fluttered from his mother’s face to the direction Maura was pointing in, a look of exhausted confusion in his blue eyes. When he saw Harry, his pale face broke into a wide smile.  
  
"Harry! Are you okay?" Niall asked, worry etched into his face. He coughed and his face scrunched up in pain. He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the pillow. The whistling in his chest had kicked up a notch and breathing was becoming more of an effort. "Just breathe for a second, okay? Nice deep breaths," his mother said. "That’s it."  
  
Harry resisted the urge to rush to Niall’s bedside; both his parents were there and his mother was doing a great job of keeping Niall calm. "I am, thanks to you that is. I’m sorry, I should have been more careful."  
  
"It’s okay," Niall said, still sounding a little out of breath. He coughed again and sank back into the pillows. "Water," he managed to croak out after a hacking cough.  
  
"I’m sorry, you can’t have water yet. I’ll go get you some ice chips though." Harry turned away and left the room, coming back with a cup filled with ice chips and a spoon in his hands. "This will help."   
  
Gratefully Niall opened his mouth and accepted the ice chips Harry offered him. As the ice slowly melted, he looked over at Harry. He didn’t say anything, he just laid there watching Harry for a while. "I’m glad you’re okay," he murmured in the end, before his eyes slipped closed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I'll be able to post the next chapter in a few days, but my job is pretty hectic at the moment, so I can't promise anything...  
> I hope you liked it; please let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

Niall had quickly fallen asleep again after first waking up, and Harry warned them that he would probably not remember anything from the conversation they'd just had. Most people who had been under general anesthesia had a gap in their memory, so they didn't have to worry about it.  
  
Bobby and Maura both thanked Harry profusely for staying, which made him a little uncomfortable. "You really don't have to thank me, seriously. Is there anything I can do for you?"   
  
"There is," Maura said, and Harry looked at her expectantly. "You should go home, get some rest. There's really no need for you to stay here, you've done enough."  
  
Harry was a little disappointed at that, but he guessed Maura was right. So he dutifully went home and went to bed, trying to get some sleep.  
  
The clock in the hall struck twelve and another hour later one. Harry fluffed his pillow, pulled the covers over himself again and threw himself onto his other side. But nothing helped, every time he closed his eyes he saw Niall laying there, pale and motionless. He'd just turned onto his other side again when he felt Jason slip into bed with him.  
  
He didn't crowd to close, but Harry moved closer to him. When Jason didn't move away, Harry put a hand on his back and pulled him close. "Thanks for saving him," he said.   
  
Jason didn’t reply, he just pressed a kiss to Harry's forehead. Harry relaxed, and he was asleep within a few minutes.

 

***

   
When Niall opened his eyes again, he saw his mother standing at the foot of his bed. His father was staring out of the window, but he turned around when Maura let out a squeal. "Niall? He's awake! Bobby! He’s awake! Should we go get the nurse? You should get the nurse!" She was rambling, like she always did when she was nervous about something, or when she was worried about someone.  
  
Bobby didn't seem to fazed by his wife's behavior, probably used to it after all this time. He just walked over to the bed and smiled at Niall, as if to say _'don't mind her, you know how she gets_ '.  
  
His mother leant over him and softly stroked his cheek, her tears falling on Niall's face. When she carefully hugged him, as if she wanted to protect him from further damage, Niall could smell her perfume. It was so familiar, almost as familiar as his own scent, even though he hadn't seen his mum in a while.  
  
"You gave us quite a fright, Ni. Please don't do anything like that ever again.  
Your ma was scared out of her mind when she got the call," his dad said, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze.  
  
And that's when Niall realized his parents had been afraid he was going to die. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling drained. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He didn’t really know what else to say.  
  
"Don't be daft, Ni," his mom said, gently wiping away her tears that were still lingering on Niall's face. "We're just glad you're okay, and we're proud of you. You saved someone's life, without thinking about yourself. If anything, that proves you're a good person. A little stupid maybe, but still a good person."  
  
"Jesus, thanks ma. You always know how to make me feel better about my actions," Niall huffed out, struggling to get comfortable.   
  
"Well, it was a little stupid. You could have yelled his name, or something, " his mother smiled through her tears.   
  
"No, I couldn’t have. He would have never gotten out of the way in time," Niall softly said, trying not to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t pushed Harry out of the way. He would have never been able to live with himself if he hadn't done anything and Harry would have been gravely injured. Harry could have died, if that car had hit him at full speed.  
  
His mother sensed his distress, like she'd always been able to, and she started to babble to distract him.  
  
"Are you in pain? You look like you're in pain. Do you need anything for the pain? Should we get you anything? Are you comfortable?"   
  
Niall wouldn't have been able to get a word in edgeways, she was talking too fast. And maybe he didn't want to, because everything hurt, and he was just really tired. He decided to rest his eyes, just for a bit. He'd ask about his injuries in a few minutes.  
  
Seconds later he'd been lulled to sleep by the soothing voice of his mother.

  
***

 

"So what's the verdict?" Niall asked, startling his mother. She looked up from the book she'd been reading.   
  
"You scared me there for a second," she said, reaching to put her book on the bedside table. "Doctor Dawson stopped the internal bleeding, and he removed part of your spleen. He said he used a small needle to remove the air from your chest, and he was able to reinflate your lung. He was pretty optimistic, but he did warn us you're still very susceptible to developing pneumonia."  
  
Niall frowned. "Doctor Dawson? Oh, you mean Jason. " He moved his fingers to carefully examine his torso. "So he didn't perform a thoracotomy?"  
  
Maura laughed. "You know, my youngest son's a doctor, he'd be able to tell you. But I have to admit that I don't even know what a thoracotomy is."  
  
Niall smiled at his mum, grateful she was still able to laugh. "What about my leg?" he asked, trying to lift his head enough to see his leg where it was elevated.  
  
"They put a rod in your tibia, and another one in your femur. Doctor Matthews is pretty optimistic about your chance to fully recover, but only time will tell," his mother said.  
  
Niall decided he wouldn't be able to see his leg anyway, so he simply gave up trying. He heaved a sigh, his brow wrinkling at the pain it caused.  
  
His mom reached for the pain pump that was next to Niall's hand and gave it a quick squeeze, which earned her a glare from her son. Soon enough though, his face relaxed and he fell asleep again.

  
***

  
The day after the surgery, doctor Payne, the doctor overseeing Niall's care, pulled Niall's parents aside and gave them the feared news. Niall had developed a fever. The blood work and the latest chest X-ray all pointed to the same thing – pneumonia.   
  
"We caught it early," the doctor assured them, "and Niall's been on the mend, so there's a good chance that with the right antibiotics he will pull through."

  
***

  
As it was, Niall’s fever got dangerously high very quickly, and he wasn’t responding well to the antibiotics they'd given him. His breathing, already compromised by the collapsed lung, had continued to degrade, and if his oxygen levels bottomed out under 80 percent, they were going to intubate him, mostly as a precaution. Doctor Payne was hopeful that an aggressive treatment of antibiotics would help turn the tide, but only time would tell.  
  
All things considered, Niall was fighting of a severe infection in his lungs, and there was evidence that the infection might spread to his blood and other organs. If that happened…  
  
Well, that couldn’t happen. It simply couldn’t.  
  
Bobby took the news stoically, but the weight of it was heavy in his expression. Maura’s eyes grew wide, as if she almost couldn’t believe her son was fighting for his life - for the second time in as many days.  
  
When Harry heard the news when he came in to check on Niall, it occurred to him it should be his place to comfort Niall’s parents. It was his place to inform them what was going to happen next. He was a nurse, he was a professional, he should’ve known how to handle this situation.  
  
Standing there, though, he didn’t. He didn’t have any comfort to offer. He didn’t have anything.  
  
Just two distraught people he couldn’t console and a man he couldn’t save.  
  
It was a bitter irony. It had been Harry’s mistake, yet Niall was the one fighting for his life. Harry had walked away without a scratch.  
  
Niall might not walk away at all.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think?


	7. Chapter 7

Harry was able to convince Niall's parents to get some rest, telling them they'd get a call as soon as there was any change in Niall's condition. He promised them he'd stay with Niall while they were gone. Jason had convinced him it would be better to take at least one day off, and Harry was glad he'd listened, because Niall's parents looked like they were dead on their feet.  
  
Before they left, Maura's fingers lingered in Niall's hair and she sent Harry a knowing look.  
  
After he'd accompanied Niall's parents out of the room, Harry took a minute to collect himself. When he entered Niall's room again, Niall was still unresponsive, his pulse was rapid, and his oxygen levels were dangerously low. Harry reminded himself that Niall was comfortable and getting the help he needed.  
  
When he got to Niall's side, though, his resolve faltered. He lingered, feeling out of place. He was used to seeing people in a hospital bed, but seeing Niall there was an unnatural feeling. Niall was always talking, always moving, always shifting. Now, his limbs were slack and he was utterly still.  
  
He reached down, taking Niall's limp fingers in his own. Hesitating, he took a steadying breath before squeezing Niall's hand. "You're always doing things the difficult way, aren't you?"  
  
Niall didn't say anything. The machines beeped and whirred.  
  
Harry swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry, this is all my fault," he said, and maybe he'd just imagined it, but he could have sworn Niall's fingers squeezed back.

  
***

Harry has lost track of the time. Normally, he was acutely aware, but it was like things existed in a different way in Niall's hospital room. Time had a different meaning, measured in beeps and visits from doctors and nurses.  
  
He talked to Niall's doctor, getting updates every time they'd checked Niall and texting Niall's parents about the results. Harry parsed their optimism, tried to believe it. Niall was holding steady, he might not be getting better, but he wasn't getting worse either. As a nurse, he knew that was something. It showed that Niall was fighting.  
  
Every time they all left, it was just him and Niall, and it felt weird to Harry. It also felt right.

 

***

 

Just after Niall's parents returned, doctor Payne told them that they'd need to intubate Niall, but he assured them it was just a precaution. They didn't want his oxygen levels to drop any further, because if they would, his organ function might be compromised.  
  
Harry assured Niall's parents that Niall would get through this, that things would be better in the morning. He was making promises that he usually never made, because he didn't want to get people's hopes up, but he trusted that this time it would be true. He _hoped_ this time it would be true.

***

 

Bobby and Maura spent the night by Niall's hospital bed, and the next day and night too, perched in uncomfortable chairs. It was awful, the uncertainty if their son was going to make it.  
  
In the morning, Bobby realized he'd fallen asleep. There was light coming in through the windows. He squinted and rubbed at his neck, sitting up with a wince. He looked over to his wife and saw she was still asleep.  
  
He looked over at Niall, who was still laying there. His heart was still beating, he was still breathing-  
  
His eyes were open. Bobby blinked, startled. He got up and moved forward to get in Niall's line of vision.  
  
His son seemed genuinely confused for a moment, blinking furiously.  
  
"Hey, welcome back," he softly said. Niall moved his hand to the tube twisting his lips that allowed the machine to feed air to his lungs, like he wanted to tear it out. "You should leave that tube alone," he said, gently guiding Niall's hands away from the tube. "Take it easy, son."  
  
Niall's brow furrowed deeply, and Bobby chuckled at him. "I know you don't want to, but it's not my call this time. It's your doctors. You developed pneumonia, and your oxygen levels dropped too low."  
  
Niall took a moment but seemed to calm himself, much to Bobby's relief.  
  
"Bobby? Who're you talking to?" He turned around and looked at his wife, who had woken up by the sound of his voice. Apparently she'd already figured it out, if the way she jumped to her feet to get to the bed was any indication.  
  
"Niall?! Oh, love, you had us so worried!" she said, cupping his cheek.  
  
Niall slowly lifted his hand to wipe the tears that were running down her cheeks. Maura smiled at him and kissed his forehead. She turned to Bobby, who hugged her close to his chest.  
  
When his parents both looked over at him, Niall pointed at the door, then at the ventilator tube. "He wants the tube out," Maura clarified, even as Bobby moved to the door to flag down a nurse. Niall sighed again, letting his eyes slide shut.  
  
"Niall, I don't know if they're going to take it out if you fall asleep again," his mom said, causing Niall's eyes to fly back open.  
  
His mom chuckled. "Yeah, I figured that would help. I'd really appreciate if you stopped scaring us like that, but I thought you already knew that." Niall simply squeezed her hand and waited for his dad to return with the nurse.  
  
Twenty minutes later, the ventilator was gone, the bed was raised up, an oxygen mask dangled under Niall's chin, and Maura was spoon-feeding him some ice chips. "Thanks," Niall whispered breathily around the ice chip. His throat burned, but at least the tube was out.  
  
Doctor Payne entered the room again and checked Niall's monitors. He seemed pretty satisfied and turned to Niall. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Headache, a little pain here," he said, indicating his breastbone, "But I figure that's mostly because of the coughing. Not great, but I’ll make it."  
  
Doctor Payne nodded and asked Niall's parents to leave the room for a moment, so he could examine Niall. When his parents had gone doctor Payne turned to Niall and said, "Now your parents have gone I want you to be absolutely truthful with me, young man." Niall snorted at that, doctor Payne was probably around the same age he was and yet he was calling him a _young man_.  
  
"Well?" doctor Payne asked when Niall didn't answer him. Niall closed his eyes briefly and sighed, his chest heaving with effort. "I feel awful," he admitted after a few seconds of silence. "I don't know whether I'm hot or cold, it's like my body can't make up its mind. I feel like I can't breathe, and it feels like I'm being stabbed in the chest with every breath I take."  
  
"That's what I thought. As a doctor, you probably know what I'm going to say, but you need to be honest with us. We can't help you if you don't tell us when you're in pain. I'll give you something for the pain now, okay?"  
  
Niall nodded reluctantly and didn't say a word as doctor Payne injected a clear fluid into his IV and adjusted the oxygen mask. He gradually started to feel better, and as the medication lessened the stabbing pain his chest and the throbbing in his head, he fell into a deep sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Sorry for the long wait, hope this chapter made up for it...


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think!

It was funny. A few days ago, Niall had been sure that the worst thing in the world was almost dying. Now he knew that wasn't true.  
  
No, the worst thing in the world -and it really was the _worst_ \- was _recovering_ from almost dying, and dealing with his overbearing parents that just did _not go away_.  
  
It wasn't just extremely painful -they'd shoved a tube down his throat- but it was also very humiliating. Doctors and nurses seemed to think they had the right to pull off the blankets and lift up his gown. And, admittedly, that was something he usually did too. But the medical staff attending to him didn't even have the decency to ask him if they could, which was something _he_ normally did.  
  
Not to mention the fact that although they'd let him lose the tube, it still felt like he'd got a swamp settled in his chest. Every breath was tiresome and awful, and he broke down with coughing fits that left him crying.  
  
Not only was it all those things, it was _boring_. Niall almost died from a nasty case of pneumonia and it was boring.  
  
Niall had never been one to sit still, and he was going stir crazy, because when he wasn't being accosted by medical staff or curling over wanting to sleep, all he could do was stare at a wall and listen to his father and mother's occasional conversation.  
  
Sometimes Harry visited, and then Niall listened to him rambling on about anything and everything. Normally Niall liked conversation. Harry, however, was usually no sort of conversationalist.  
  
And he _would not leave_.  
  
The day after he'd woken up again, Harry came to visit him just as Niall's parents were leaving. Niall was sure his mom had arranged this, but he was too tired to make a fuss. After nearly two hours of listening to Harry's slow and molten voice, Niall broke down and said, "What are you still doing here?" He didn't really mean for it to come out so blunt, but in his defense, the meds he was on messed with his head.  
  
Harry stopped abruptly, looking genuinely surprised. "What?"  
  
"What are you still doing here?" Niall asked, articulating the words carefully, which was actually easier said than done, considering the fact that taking a deep breath basically felt like shoving a knife in his chest. Repeatedly.  
  
"I don't understand," Harry stupidly replied.  
  
Niall rolled his eyes. He tried to grunt, but it got garbled and he coughed instead. It took him a good thirty seconds to stop, and when he finally did, he looked at Harry again. "I _mean_ ," he rasped slowly, trying his best not to aggravate his so-called fragile condition, "like I said, you don't have to feel obliged to spend your spare time with me. The fact that I saved your life doesn't mean you, like, owe me or something."  
  
Niall was winded by his speech, so he was fairly glad when Harry finally replied. "Well, maybe I just like to spend my time visiting you. After all, we're friends, aren't we?" Harry said, blushing a little.  
  
"Yes, we are. Of course we are. But I still makes me feel guilty, because I know that you blame yourself for my injuries, maybe even for the pneumonia." Niall took a deep breath, which led to a cough he managed to cut off fairly quickly.  
  
He swallowed painfully and shook his head when Harry opened his mouth to say something. "I just- You blame yourself, and maybe you're not here _just_ to rectify your mistake, but it's still  a part of why you're here. It's sort of like you want to get your priorities in order. And I just want you to know you don't have to."  
  
"So you want me to leave?" Harry said, sounding slightly hurt.  
  
"No, no, that's not what I mean. Not at all. I really appreciate your company, I like listening to you and talking to you. What kind of friendship would we have if I didn't?" Niall babbled. He could feel his cheeks reddening a little, but he'd just blame that on the fever. He would never admit how much he _really_ enjoyed Harry's company.  
  
"Okay, now that that's clear, I want you to stop talking." Niall opened his mouth, wanting to disagree, but he was cut off by Harry. "You're still recovering from a major trauma and a severe pneumonia, so you have to take it easy. You've already been pushing it by talking this much, and you know I'm right. So no more talking for you."  
  
Of course, Niall's body decided to agree with Harry at that very moment. Niall tried to stop the coughing fit that was threatening to come out, but it was of no use. He doubled over in pain. When he suddenly felt something gripping his left hand, he glanced over and saw Harry holding his hand, looking at him encouragingly. "You can do this, Niall. Just focus on your breathing."  
  
The harsh coughing sent fiery waves of pain racing down his chest. Niall clenched his teeth and squeezed Harry's hand, determined not to cry out in pain. One whimper squeaked past his lips, and Harry squeezed Niall's hand, amazed at the strength in the hand squeezing back.  
  
Finally the coughing stopped, and Niall sank back into the pillows.  
  
"Would you like something for the pain?" Harry asked, his green eyes full of concern.  
  
Niall swallowed and let out a shaky breath. "Y-yes, please, " he breathed, slowly releasing his grip on Harry's hand. Harry let his hand drop into his lap, slowly flexing his fingers to get blood back into the tips, his forehead wrinkled faintly in worry. Niall had to be in a  _lot_  of pain to even begin considering taking an _aspirin_. The fact he had agreed so willingly to medication was an indication of how much pain he was in at the moment.  
  
"I'll be back soon," he said gently, shuffling out of the room. After a few minutes, he reentered the room with a small paper cup that rattled with pills inside. "Here you go," he said cheerily, handing Niall the cup. Niall removed the oxygen mask. He immediately tipped the cup back into his mouth and swallowed the pills dry, then washed them down with the cup of water Harry was offering.  
  
Silence fell over the pair. "Sorry about your hand, " Niall muttered, his voice raspy.  
  
Harry shrugged, grabbing the cup with the melting ice chips. "Don't worry about it," he replied, holding out the spoon. Niall shot him a grateful look as he accepted the mouthful of ice. "But I will admit, your grip's not half bad."  
  
"'Specially since 'm recov'ring from a major trauma, ri'?" Niall asked cheekily around the ice in his mouth. Harry nodded, stirring the ice with the spoon. Niall tipped his head slightly to the side as he watched Harry stare at the steadily melting ice. He swallowed and said softly, "Haz, go home."  
  
Harry's head shot up. "I mean it. I'm going to be fine. You need sleep," Niall continued, relaxing back against the pillows.  
  
Harry was silent as he looked Niall in the eyes. Finally, he declared simply, "Okay, but one of these days, you'll have to tell me what happened in Mexico. I was planning on coaxing the truth out of you when you were high on your pain meds."  
  
Niall stared at him blankly for a moment. Finally he chuckled and was about to reply when a nurse entered the room to check his vitals. When she was done, she announced that she'd be back in an hour to check on him.  
  
"M'kay," Niall replied, his eyes already starting to droop shut. The nurse smiled, nodded at Harry, and left the room.  
  
"I'll leave once you're asleep. Okay?" Harry said before Niall could open his mouth. Niall blinked slowly and nodded as the words registered.  _Those have to be the fastest-working painkillers I’ve ever seen,_  Harry thought.  
  
"Thanks, Haz," Niall murmured, burrowing deeper into his pillows and letting his eyes slide shut. "How do you even know I've been to Mexico? An' I can't talk about it. What happens in Mex'co stays in Mex'co."  
  
Harry smiled, grabbing his hand once more. "Go to sleep. Your parents should be here when you wake up," he replied, giving Niall's hand a gentle squeeze. Niall didn't reply; his breathing was already deep and heavy. Harry gave his hand one final squeeze and pulled the oxygen mask over Niall's face before standing and stretching. He grabbed his coat off the back of his chair and moved towards the door.  
  
"Love ya, Haz."  
  
Harry froze, then turned back to face the bed at the quiet, muffled voice. Niall's eyes were cracked just the slightest bit, and under the clear plastic mask, a small smile curved the corner of his lips. Harry swallowed around the sudden lump that had formed in his throat, blinking rapidly.  Niall sighed contentedly and fell into a deep sleep. Harry watched him for another minute or so before he replied, "Love you too, Ni."  
  
Harry quietly closed the door. As he walked down the hall, he breathed a silent prayer, wiping at his eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's the next chapter. I know it's short, and I'm sorry about that, but sometimes life just gets in the way... I hope you like it anyway!

That evening, Harry was tossing and turning in his bed. The space in his head was full of darkness, cold and heavy. He pressed his face into the pillow and finally fell asleep after mulling for hours. He woke up and fell asleep again, but it wasn't a peaceful sleep. Dark figures moved through his dreams, and when he woke up the next morning, he felt even more tired than when he went to bed.  
  
The next day, he didn't visit Niall. He went to work and went home straight after that, not really sure about anything anymore.

 

***  


When Niall woke up, the wind had blown the whole sky inside. It was blue, bluer than he had ever seen a sky, deep and filled to the edge with sun. The curtains were clean, a bright white against the blue. The sunlight rested on the edge of his bed and touched the tips of his fingers with a reassuring, gentle warmth. His heart was strengthened and supported by the warm air, and a strange feeling of lightness filled him, the stone burden of fear rolled away.  
  
Suddenly he was entirely sure of what it was he should do, and he'd do it as soon as he'd get a chance. If almost dying had taught him anything, it was that life was too short to waste it.

 

***

  
When Harry entered Niall's room, his cheerful greeting seemed a little forced. He looked like he hadn't slept much. There were dark circles under his eyes and a little wrinkle of concern between his eyebrows. "How are you, man, are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah, I will be when people stop asking me that," Niall said, shooting Harry a smile.  
  
Maura entered the room and grabbed her coat. "Hi Harry! It's good to see you!" Turning to Niall, she said, "I'm going to go home for a while, I have some work to do, okay?"  
  
"Of course that's okay, I'm an adult, not a five-year-old, " Niall said, smiling at his mother. "And I know you're worried, that's understandable. But I'm in a hospital, and you have to trust that I'll be okay. I have to be on my own eventually."  
  
"I know, love, it's just that I love you. But I'm sure it's going to be okay. You're strong, aren't you?" She walked over to Niall's bed and gave him a quick hug. When Niall's mam had left, Harry sat down and looked at Niall for a while. "Why did you do it? Why'd you throw yourself in front of a speeding car to save my life?"  
  
Niall contemplated the question for a moment. "You can't live forever. Where are the emperors and kings who ruled centuries ago? Where are the rich people that had success and built houses? Where are the laborers who cultivated the land and harvested the wheat?"  
  
He noticed the slightly impatient look Harry gave him, but he simply continued. He'd given this a lot of thought, and it was extremely important to him to explain the reason behind his action in the right way. It was important for the both of them.  
  
"Where are the children who were playing in the sun as if they would never grow old? Where are the old men that were leaning on their sticks, chatting to other elderly people about the days when they were young? They've all died. _Everybody_ dies eventually," Niall said, his voice hoarse.  
  
He took the glass of water Harry handed him and took a few careful sips. He stared into the glass like it held all the secrets of the universe for a while, but continued when he noticed Harry was waiting for him to go on. "I mean, in our job, we see death every day. We know that, even though we might _think_ we have forever, one day will be our last, and that day might come sooner than we think. I saw that car coming at you, and I didn't-"  
  
He swallowed, then began to cough. Harry gave him a stern look and replaced the oxygen mask, telling him to just breathe for a while.  
  
After Niall had caught his breath, he pulled of the oxygen mask again. "I realized that I was scared of losing you, and I guess I didn't really think about the consequences my action would have for me. But I would do it again in a heartbeat. My mam always told me that sometimes, the fact that you're scared is a good thing, because it means you have something, or _someone_ , to lose."  
  
He hesitated, but then continued, "She always told me that, if you love someone, you have to tell them. Leaving things unspoken will definitely break your heart. Saying you love someone might cause problems, it might not be the right thing, but _not_ saying you love someone is even worse. So here I am, telling you that I love you."  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, finally got around to finishing this chapter. I hope you like it!

The leaves fluttered along the road, swirling in circles. Harry sauntered along the sidewalk and saw them tumble to the ground. It was October, and the leaves were coming down in dense crowds, some red as copper, others a beautiful golden yellow. He watched them fall and inhaled the smell of autumn, trying not to think too much.

 

That failed miserably though, he kept turning the previous night over and over in his head . He'd come home to the delicious smell of a fresh cooked meal, he’d had a nice dinner with Jason and they'd spent the evening talking about anything and everything. Then they'd fallen asleep with their legs tangled together, and all had seemed well.

 

But he'd found himself dreaming about Niall, and it hadn't been just any dream. No, Niall had told him he'd loved him, and Harry had woken up just after Niall had asked him to say something, wishing it hadn't been a dream. Rationally, he knew it would cause a whole lot of trouble if Niall suddenly told him he loved him, but he couldn't help feeling the way he did.

 

He tried to think about what he should do now. Maybe he should just avoid Niall for a while, but Niall hadn't done anything to deserve being ignored. He also didn't want Niall to suspect something was wrong. He couldn't just not show up and hope Niall wouldn't notice anything was up. Niall always seemed to notice when someone was worried.

 

And then there was Jason. He didn't know if he should tell him. He knew he couldn't help feeling the way he did, but he felt so guilty towards him. He was so afraid to end up hurting him, but not telling him could end up hurting him even more.

 

Harry kicked up the leaves, wishing the wind could take his worries away like it blew the leaves away. He decided to go home and get ready for his shift, so he'd have enough time to pay Niall a short visit before his shift started.

 

*******

 

When Harry entered the room Niall's face lit up. "Hey! I'm so happy you're here! I was going stir crazy just laying here all by myself," he said, carefully sitting up a bit. "I was just thinking about reading a book, that's how bored I was."

 

Harry smiled in spite of himself. The only book Niall had ever read had been _To Kill a Mockingbird_ , and he'd called it _How to Kill a Mockingbird_ when he'd told Harry that he'd only read it because his English teacher had made him. It was safe to say Niall hated reading. He was simply too restless to focus.

 

"You must be very bored then." He walked over to Niall, handing him a brown paper bag. "I brought you a muffin, thought you could use it to regain some of those pounds you lost."

 

Niall thanked him and immediately took a bite. "That's so good," he beamed. "Did you get it at the bakery across the street?"

 

When Harry didn't answer, he studied Harry's face, the muffin forgotten. "Haz, what's wrong? You look tired. Did something happen with Jason?"

 

Harry waited a while to answer, busying himself with checking Niall's IV's and stats. He noticed they'd switched Niall to a nasal cannula and that he only had two IV's left, which were both good signs.  "No, no, it's nothing. I just- I didn't sleep too well, don't worry," he finally answered. "How are you feeling?"

 

Niall didn't really seem to buy it, but luckily for Harry he dropped it. "I'm doing good, according to my doctors. They said they're happy for me start PT soon, as long as my breathing doesn't get any worse. I'll be able to go home when I'm competent and safe on crutches and the physio gives me the all clear."

 

"That's great! I have to go now, my shift starts in a few minutes. I just wanted to know how you  were doing." Harry quickly turned around, before Niall decided he needed to ask any more questions. "I'll probably see you tomorrow, after my shift ends. Take care!"

 

"Harry-" Niall started to say, but he was cut off by the sound of the door slamming shut behind Harry. He heaved a sigh and grabbed the muffin, taking a big mouthful.

 

*******

 

When Harry came home, he opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of white wine. He needed something to drink if he was going to talk to Jason tonight. While thinking about everything on his way home he'd remembered something his mom had said just after she'd divorced his dad. _"I knew it was over when I was more in love with the memories than with the person that was standing right in front of me."_

 

He'd realized that a big part of the problem was the fact that he was more in love with the idea of Jason, and with his memories of him, and that's when he knew it wouldn't be fair to Jason if he didn't tell him what was going on. He grabbed two glasses and put them down on the kitchen table. That's where Jason found him when he came home. He immediately realized Harry wanted to talk. Harry usually didn't drink, especially not when he had to work the next day.

 

"Spill it," he said, sitting down and pouring himself a glass of wine.

 

"You know, I didn't really know if I should say anything at first. Sometimes not telling people anything is a good thing, but I feel like this is not one of those times," Harry said. Jason was used to Harry's way of speaking, so he didn't interrupt him.

 

"I want you to know that this is so hard for me, and I love you, I do. But it's sort of like- like I fell out of love with you, you know? Like I'm not _IN_ love with you anymore," Harry quietly said, trying very hard not to cry. "It's unfair to you, and I'm so sorry, but I also don't think it would be fair to you to act like everything's okay when it's not."

 

Jason sighed and grabbed Harry's hand. "I already knew, Harry. Well, I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I could see it in your eyes. I saw the way he looks at you, but more importantly, I saw the way you looked at Niall, and I knew then that you weren't in love with me anymore. You're in love with him. I knew, because that's the way you used to look at me when we were younger, when we'd just fallen in love. He's in love with you, and you're in love with him. And it's killing you both."

 

Jason stroked Harry's hand with his thumb, gently, like he always did when he was trying to comfort Harry. "I feel like we've been growing apart for a while now. It's been a long time coming, I think, and something like this was inevitable. And it hurts, but mostly because being us, being together is all we've known for quite some time. You're the only person I've ever been in love with, and it's hard to let go."

 

He smiles, sadness shining through. "When I first realized we were drifting apart, I thought holding on would make us strong, but I realized sometimes it's letting go that makes us strong. I think it's time for us to let go of each other, as much as it pains me to do so."

 

Harry breathed a sigh of relief, smiling through his tears. He could feel the tension leave his body. "Thank you. Thank you so much for understanding. I want you to know that even though we're not together anymore, I'll always love you, no matter what. I really hope we can stay friends, but if you don't want to, that's perfectly understandable."

  
"Of course I understand. All you want is to be set free and I think I have learned how to let you go. Not necessarily because I want to, but because I know you'll be happier _without_ me than you'll be _with_ me. And all I ever wanted was to make you happy." Jason grabbed his glass and raised it towards Harry. "To us. To being happy. To endings. And more importantly, to new beginnings."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm narry-dreamer on tumblr, come say hi :)


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